Techno-babel

One unexpected aspect of the introduction of microcomputers into the office and home has been the extent to which people talk to them.  Or rather at them: mostly the voices heard are raised, angry because of a machine's failure to do what was wanted.  The fact that the error is nearly always the operator's does not, needless to say, soften the words.

Imagine, then, what will happen when computers can talk back.  It can he done now, very easily - voice generation software and hardware are cheap - but what is still expensive and not totally reliable is the complementary voice recognition system to enable the machine to understand what it hears.  But high-power, low-cost versions will assuredly be with us before the turn of the century. 

Initially the options will be limited; perhaps the choice of a male or female voice, for example.  That in itself will revolutionise the way we use computers - and think about them.  Already there is a high degree of anthropomorphisation to be found - implicit in every swear-word we hurl in its general direction.  But once a micro gains a voice, and can decode ours, we shall start to see some increasingly weird 'puter-person relationships. 

But products will not remain at this simple level.  The micro industry being what it is, suppliers will rush to offer myriad programs and prostheses for adding that little bit extra to your system. For example, you will be able to make your computer frightened of you, whimpering submissively; or, if your tastes lie in another direction, it can become a real dominator/dominatrix from hell, endlessly excoriating your pathetic attempts at operation: "Call that a save command, you worm?" 

In short, voice capabilities will bring out all our hidden desires - and our worst aspects.  If we have sexist tendencies that we dare not express in real life, fine, let them lose on your customised computer; fear a particular ethnic group? - easy, put them your machine and watch them grovel.  Fancy the boy or girl next door? - no problem, just tape his or her voice and your micro will soon be sighing sweet simulated nothings.

The general-purpose micro will turn us into petty, selfish dictators because it is infinitely adaptable and eternally complaisant.  In other equipment, voice-controlled mechanisms will be much more limited, and so will affect us somewhat differently. 

For example, it will not be long before this technology gives us ovens that will tell us how much longer a dish needs cooking; washing machines that warn of incipient breakdowns, and fridges that beg to be defrosted.  Soon, then, the modern home could be filled with a veritable cacophony of chattering half-brained computers - far less intelligent than the standalone machines.  They will be tiresomely literalistic, and lack a sense of humour completely; like small, whining children, they will be constantly competing for our attention.  Amidst the growing din of this techno-babel we may find ourselves looking forward even more to having a good, long chat with our sympathetic and understanding micro. 

(26.12.91)

See also Moody Sonnets - So, What’s Next?

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